“TRUST” BUT “VERIFY”?

TRUST means

“Complete Confidence in and reliance on something or someone without the need to authenticate or confirm”

Whereas to VERIFY means

“To check whether or not something or someone is true by examination, investigation or comparison.”

Two very contradictory words but yet characterizes most of our actions. Recall the comedy drama “for better or worst”, the character of Angela and Markus? She said “TRUST but VERIFY” at the saloon before dashing off, all because she was suspecting Markus of cheating, well we all know how that ended right.😅

The part 1 of this blog post focuses on the woman, why you may ask? Because the truth is, however you may see it, the issue of TRUST doesn’t come easy with the female gender. By design, we can be very jealous, envious and can do anything to secure our interest but only when there’s a breeding ground for that. Take the chicken and her chicks or the ostrich and her eggs...sure you now grab the picture. So pardon me staking “US” up on the wall.

TRUST is required in friendship, relationship and marriage. But with respect to relationship, TRUST is like the ultimate grand jury that’s decides whether or not a marriage should take place between the two single individual. Need I add that, like Rome, TRUST cannot be built in a day, building trust takes time but you must have faith in your trust and things would be fine again, but that’s for another blog post I hope.

Most times ladies although not on purpose tend to exhibit TRUST issues or insecurity not necessarily because they have it, but because they are in words “forced” into it. Take a Godly woman’s personal relationship with God for example, like seriously, we don’t have trust issues with Him, maybe little doubt and much impatience on our side, other than that were cool. So why can’t we simply apply the same principles {if any} to our Guy-friends/partners? I MADE AN ATTEMPT TO HIGHLIGHT 3 THINGS THAT WE LADIES STAND TO LOSE when we decide to “TRUST” but “VERIFY”;

1. YOU COULD LOSE HIM: this is like the last thing any lady would want to experience, a major heart-break. The truth is Men hate to be investigated, even though it’s ironic to their nature. Haven’t you heard of wives who forgave their husbands of infidelity and husbands who divorced/killed their wives of same act? Well in today’s insane world, the reverse is almost the case. Nevertheless, it doesn’t still change the fact that men hate it. Do not be deceived, on average, everyman would do anything to protect their privacy and when it comes to opening up, they are a-bit slow, they rather take their time, respect that. So if you cherish your relationship with your guy-friend/partner, never get into his stuff, even when you suspect him of doing anything, just pray and be patient, sooner or later all would surface and he himself would let you know. So away with the slogan, just TRUST him.
2. YOU COULD LOSE HIS RESPECT FOR YOU: if there’s anything a lady should know is that, for the fact that you may be dating a man of God, it doesn’t at all eliminate his sense of judgment, emotions, feelings or human instincts, at best with the holy spirit, he’s more in control of them than the others, so never take advantage of that. When a man tells you he respects you, my dear, hold-on to that word, he means it. To him that respect he has for you should be reciprocated, but the moment you begin to verify his every actions, a ‘code-red’ signal picks up and at that moment, if not by the mercies of God, he immediately loses every form of respect he has for you, and since to him respect is equal to love, that’s a sum lump you wouldn’t want to lose. So I repeat, just TRUST him.
3. YOU COULD LOSE YOU: a lady at this stage is like a ticking time-bomb. Ladies never allow yourself get here, you don’t want to lose yourself. Ever heard of the word suicide? Yea, I love myself too, but I doubt if you ever been to the point of just wanting to end it all, if you have then you fully understand why this aspect should be dreaded like a plague. The moment he picks up the code red signal and acts based on his human instinct be sure to kiss the relationship good-bye. The truth is, at first you could convince yourself that all would be well, but sooner than later when reality dawns on you, that’s when you stop eating, talking, smiling or even laughing, you could completely break down and that’s when you lose yourself. You begin blaming yourself, hating yourself; God helping you’re not employed or at school, total “classic horror”. So please, just TRUST him.

The truth is that there are no hard and fast rules with regards how to TRUST etc. to add to that, there are certain truths that are best left the way they are especially things of the past; any further knowledge is detrimental to your relationship. If TRUST is needed in friendship then a double portion is needed in a relationship or marriage.

“TRUST is the ability to willingly accept and forgive a fault” 

So you say, I have bridged the line, I TRUSTED but VERIFIED and now all is going down the drain fast, what do I do? My advice is to “communicate”, that’s a vital tool to getting past this, schedule a meeting and genuinely apologize with no excuses. If he decides to call a quit, respect his choice and leave knowing fully well, that you played your part and you’ll have peace. Well you say, I have been in the business of TRUST but VERIFY and so far it’s been working out well, I’ll say this “99 days for the thief one day for the owner”😁

With all this said, it doesn’t exclude you men, the two of you have a role to play, learn to forgive and move-on which ever direction you two resolve as best. Be man enough and summon courage and admit a fault if any, rather than fuss over it, be man enough to completely forgive if she willingly opens up and seeks forgiveness/repentance.

In a general note, one can never find true love and joy without trusting others. So you must learn to trust others and trust your own self. 

“Everyone needs and wants to be TRUSTED, so never take advantage of that”

Until next post, yours sincerely,

 #ThatFavouredOnlineGirl #TheQueensBanquet