We have heard about the marriage institution and how it has no expiring date. Nonetheless, we still want to plunge in right? In our minds, how we intend to run our household has all been mapped out. I do imagine the men making long term plans and we the women pimping up our housekeeping etiquette. I believe that, there are just few who really know what they are getting into when it comes to getting married. True we all have hopes, dreams and expectations of what it will look like. Thanks to Hollywood, Nollywood, Bollywood, Talk shows, books etc. have all given us a glimpse of what “we want to know” of this thing we call 'Holy Matrimony'. Though we can’t really say for sure, whether or not it’s true until were there, yea?
There is alot about marriage we are yet to understand. So i took time out to draft a few of them, gotten from both primary and
secondary sources which also includes a brief discussion i had with a newly wed
couple [Pastor & Mrs Chingtok Ishaku].
“Living with a human is an act, and
you must study the act, but if you choose not to, marriage would clear your
eyes_reality.com”
1.
Conflict Is Unavoidable
Now no matter how you choose to twist
your head against this word “conflict”, need I tell you that conflict is not
defined as what we see in Nollywood movies, nah! That’s domestic violence.
Conflict simply means indifference in opinions, because the fact is when two
very different individuals from very far backgrounds as in most cases come
together under same roof? Dust is sure to rise there. Conflict is like asking
two couples who are facing different directions i.e north & south to say
what they see, daww! Obviously the reports would never be the identical. Although
conflict cannot be avoided per say, it can rather be contained, solved
amicably, and when that is done, the beauty in the marriage shows up. I mean,
couples quarrel over everything, toothpaste, type of soup, how & how not to
burp, so many insane things. So if you’re imagining 120 years of no conflict
with your “to-be” spouse? Sorry to burst your bubble, expect such and determine
that this 7 lettered word would not take the best in your marriage.
2.
Marriage Is More Intimate
Than Sex
As stated by jarred Wilson, this is
so true. Often, one of the first things singles think about when it comes to
marriage is sex. But while there is so much value and closeness within the
sexual relationship, a good marriage is what makes for good sex, not the other
way around. Can you truly say you grasp the real meaning of intimacy that comes
with committing to this one person for the rest of your life? Be noted that marriage
is an amazing opportunity to allow another person look inside your life, your
mind, your heart and your very soul. Now that is true intimacy.
3.
Marriage Reveals Selfishness
I really don’t know how selfish I am
now or probably how selfless, although, all I can see about myself is
the the good side of me, you know the “feel-good of yourself” factor. This
aspect of you would totally manifest itself when you say the golden word
“i-do”. According the couples I interviewed, they mentioned really silly
moments, for example the wife mentioned how she dislikes when he drops his
bathroom slippers on hers after shower, others range from choosing where to eat
and who gets the remote, to the more significant things like apologizing and
putting your spouses’ needs before your own_ we will learn that true selflessness is
something that has to be lived out. A hard lesson indeed, but also a beautiful
reminder of a God who selflessly gave His all for me.
4.
Oneness Literally Means One
Now this is something we all have to
deal with. We all think of the deep spiritual and physical benefits of oneness,
but we don’t
always consider the inconvenient parts of it. One house, one bed, one bathroom,
one mirror above the bathroom sink, one bank account, one budget. In marriage,
you learn to let go of the “mine and yours” mentality, because everything is truly “ours.” I believe that there’s something really hard, but something really beautiful about
that. It’s a reminder that at the end of the
day what’s mine is yours ... but everything we
have is actually His {God}.
5.
Disappointment Would Set In
This one is a hard reality. Yes some
of us are fully aware of our future spouses’ humanity, but for some reason this
truth would not really sink in until disappointment hits the home.
No matter how deep in love you are
with each other, there’s great possibility to hurt each other deeply. When you
allow someone to bury their heart in yours, there’s no doubt that one day, you will feel an ache. Whether In
the form of an unkind word, a thoughtless action or a selfish moment, marriage
will hurt. But by God’s
grace, each wound paves the way for grace, forgiveness and restoration. Each
wound is a reminder of our need to love better and more deeply. That’s why it
is very important you have a life before getting married, never depend on your
spouse to make you happy, you are your own happiness, and it’s not all about
receiving but giving.
6.
Like It Or Not, You Will
Learn The Meaning Of Forgiveness
With the certainty of being wounded
comes the reality that you will need to learn forgiveness. The biggest lesson
is that true forgiveness comes not because the person standing before you does
deserve. Rather, it comes out of a heart that understands how much we’ve been forgiven though we, too, were
undeserving.
7.
Marriage Will Cost You
The truth is, you will lose a part of
yourself within the glory of marriage. You exchange a little bit of who you are
for a little bit of who your spouse is. You learn to give and take. You learn to
let go of the things that don’t really matter. And in the end, you realize what
you have given is far less than what you have ultimately received. Love is good
like that.
8.
Love Isn’t A Feeling, It’s A
Choice
After reading this post, ill advice
you read the previous post I did on “love is not a feeling but a choice” so as
to help buttress this fact. As a single, you can’t really comprehend the strong
feelings going anywhere but higher. Then one day you realize that feelings can’t
really be trusted, because some days you feel you may not even like each other.
Feelings come, but feelings also go. They are a compass, and sometimes a guide,
but they are never to be followed.
The test of real love is what you do
when you don’t feel like
loving. Marriage is constantly choosing to love, to give and to serve because
of the commitment you have made. It’s choosing the other instead of choosing
yourself. That’s the very definition of love in its truest form.
9.
Marriage Will Require You To
Learn How To Communicate
No matter how lovely, great or
understandable your communication level is right now, marriage will require you
to take a good hard look at your opinions, beliefs, ideas and feelings and share them with another. It will
cause you to answer the hard questions and speak the difficult truths.
Communication is the lifeline between two people. There’s no way around it. It
will cause you to take responsibility for not just what you say, but how you
say it, tone,
body language, sarcasm and all.
10.
Marriage Is Not The End Of
Your Destination
At your present single state, it’s so easy to see marriage as the Grande
finale. It’s the thing we dream of and live for. And then it finally
comes! Now what?
This relationship God has blessed you
with is a fraction of the grand scheme He has for your life. Your purpose and
passions will extend far beyond the reach of your relationship with your
spouse. And God will use the relationship He has given you, too, as the love
between you and your spouse is reflected to the world. Marriage is not the end,
it’s only the beginning. God has so much
more up His sleeve, you need trust him to lead you two on the right path.
Marriage I believe holds a lot more
to just this 10 listed, so before you hammer that Tucscido or where that A-line
gown, ensure these truths become a revelation in your spirit being not just
your head. Reflecting Jesus is the greatest honor we can partake in when
it comes to marriage, but more so, it’s the one and only thing that will keep our marriage alive.
You need Jesus in your life to help you through this institution because he
created it.
There are many routes to holiness,
and marriage is definitely one of those routes. I know God is not finished with me yet, he’s just
begun, and so I’m very in thankful in advance for the blessings I and my spouse
would enjoy in marriage, am totally looking forward to what lies ahead, hope
you are too.
What are your thoughts about this?
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